I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
