I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
