TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
