i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
