Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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