I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
