Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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