Dude my mom stole all your condoms
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
