My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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