It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
