So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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