Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
