Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
