You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
