turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
