Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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