I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
