I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize