White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
