nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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