my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
