if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
handjob tips. give me some.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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