i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
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