The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
