we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize