i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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