3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
