At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
