I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
