Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I smell like Dick and happiness
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