My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
