Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
