Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
