Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
