so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
