anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
