i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
