im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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