ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
