If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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