why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
