So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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