Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
