I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
