It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
