I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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