I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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