Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
