man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
