Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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