Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
