Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
