Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.