Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Terrible idea I love it
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
