Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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