I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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