I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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