My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
