I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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