She's JV to your varsity
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
