i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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