he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
