are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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