so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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