Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
