Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize