I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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