i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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