there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
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Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize