I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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