just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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