could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
