home. puking in laundry basket.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She's the barista slut.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
