either way he was missing a nipple.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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