I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
