Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Randomize
