lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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