You're completely useless in the revolution.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
foreskin is a definite game changer
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I smell like Dick and happiness
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