the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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