threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
